It feels a whole lot like living

“It’s the first time in a long time, I’m here on my own. And I’m finding reasons to carry on strong“
I stare at this magnificent view while I park the car on the side of the road. I feel a shiver running down my spine. Sometimes I can’t believe I am really here. “There’s no easy way to leave it all behind”

 
When I open the door, the music, which gave the moment a bit of a dramatic effect, stopped playing and I step out of the car. I only see a few other people taking pictures but being less impressed, they leave after making the snapshot. I can’t leave. I stand there on the edge of reason soaking in this amazing view. I don’t know if it’s because of the song that was playing that gives me this melancholic mood or the incredible view but I see my life flashing by before my eyes. I smile. I smile because I made it here alive.
 
If I could talk to my 24-year-old self and say that things will get better, that we would get out of the abusive relationship, that we would survive all the things that were still to come. I would promise her, that not only the physical wounds would heal but also the emotional wounds of being left alone and surviving with two babies. That she would find a place to live, create her own work, earn her own money and take care of her kids every single day until they were strong enough to fly out and leave the nest. That she eventually would end up here, to this point, looking at this view. Would she believe me?
 

While I start walking the deserted trail, the song is still playing in my head. “I could tell you my story, bout the hell I’ve been through, oh yeah. I’ve been praying for the answers, and all that really matters. Is coming out of the blue.”

The only thing I hear is the rustling of the trees, the buzzing of the bees and some crickets. The cool wind blows through my hair while the sun warms up my face. “I made it” is what goes through my mind and I smile. “I survived”. Now it’s time to start living.

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